You just made me feel so damn special
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
