If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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