Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
