Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
