chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
