Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
