We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
