You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
