Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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