just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
