DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
