I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
