I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
