I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
