He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
