i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
