She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
