i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
