woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
