Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
