Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can text with my tongue
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
