All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
