Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
