mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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