WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
