Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
