i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
