There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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