He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
