I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
