She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
