i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
