I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
