I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
