Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
