capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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