you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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