oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
