this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
