I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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