why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
