I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
