Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
