please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
