Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
