foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
