the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You made out with two different species that night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
