I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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