i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
