Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
