He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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