I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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