k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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